Things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army
This list is from another blogger called skippy, based on his own experience, very funny, the source below
To explain how he stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badlyâ€¦.. He's funny, so they let him live.
The Thingsâ€¦. (in Skippy's words)
1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when Iâ€™m supposed to be working.
2. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
3. Not allowed to challenge anyoneâ€™s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
4. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
5. Not allowed to add â€śIn accordance with the prophesyâ€ť to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
6. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing â€śEat
Pork or Dieâ€ť in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to
deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
7. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I donâ€™t like to War Criminal posters.
9. Not allowed to title any product â€śGet Over itâ€ť.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyoneâ€™s soul on government time.
11. Crucifying mice â€“ bad idea.
12. Not allowed to join any militia.
13. Not allowed to get shot.
14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to â€śSic Brass!â€ť
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my â€śSamson like powersâ€ť.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous â€śBarbie Girl Danceâ€ť while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if Iâ€™m right.
20. Must not taunt the French any more.
21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
22. Must never call an SAS a â€śWankerâ€ť.
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if theyâ€™ve been smoking crack.
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if itâ€™s true.
25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
26. Never tell a German soldier that â€śWe kicked your ass in World War 2!â€ť
27. Donâ€™t tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
28. Donâ€™t take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
29. The Irish MPs are not after â€śMe frosted lucky charmsâ€ť.
30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
35. Not allowed to sing â€śHigh Speed Dirtâ€ť by Megadeth during airborne
operations. (â€śSee the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black
death, Iâ€™m off to meet my makerâ€ť)
36. Canâ€™t have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isnâ€™t over).
37. Our medic is called â€śSgt Larwasaâ€ť, not â€śDr. Feelgoodâ€ť.
38. Our supply Sgt is â€śSgt Watkinsâ€ť not â€śSugar Daddyâ€ť.
39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
40. I do not have super-powers.
42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankindâ€™s baser instincts in recruitment posters.
43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
44. I am not the atheist chaplain.
45. I am not allowed to â€śGo to Bragg boulevard and shake daddyâ€™s little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undiesâ€ť.
46. I am not authorized to fire officers.
47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.
48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for â€śmagic beansâ€ť.
50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
these are part of 213 items Skippy not allowed to do, find out more from the source